never　existed。

I　was　lying　to　myself　by　splitting　my　reason　for　ing　here　into　just　two

parts。　I　didn't　want　to　admit　the

strongest　motivation。　Because　it　was　mentally　unsound。

The　truth　was　that　I　wanted　to　hear　his　voice　again；　like　I　had　in　the　strange

delusion　Friday　night。　For

that　brief　moment；　when　his　voice　came　from　some　other　part　of　me　than　my

conscious　memory；　when

his　voice　was　perfect　and　honey　smooth　rather　than　the　pale　echo　my　memories

usually　produced；　I　was

able　to　remember　without　pain。　It　hadn't　lasted；　the　pain　had　caught　up　with

me；　as　I　was　sure　it　would

for　this　fool's　errand。　But　those　precious　moments　when　I　could　hear　him　again

were　an　irresistible　lure。　I

had　to　find　some　way　to　repeat　the　experience　or　maybe　the　better　word　was

episode。

I　was　hoping　that　déjà　vu　was　the　key。　So　I　was　going　to　his　home；　a　place　I

hadn't　been　since　my

ill…fated　birthday　party；　so　many　months　ago。

The　thick；　almost　jungle…like　growth　crawled　slowly　past　my　windows。　The　drive

wound　on　and　on。　I

started　to　go　faster；　getting　edgy。　How　long　had　I　been　driving？　Shouldn't　I

have　reached　the　house　yet？

The　lane　was　so　overgrown　that　it　did　not　look　familiar。

What　if　I　couldn't　find　it？　I　shivered。　What　if　there　was　no　tangible　proof　at

all？

Then　there　was　the　break　in　the　trees　that　I　was　looking　for；　only　it　was　not

so　pronounced　as　before。

The　flora　here　did　not　wait　long　to　reclaim　any　land　that　was　left　unguarded。

The　tall　ferns　had　infiltrated

the　meadow　around　the　house；　crowding　against　the　trunks　of　the　cedars；　even

the　wide　porch。　It　was