at　me　in　encouragement。

I　sighed　It　was　like　I　was　starting　all　over　again。

〃What's　today's　date？〃　I　wondered　suddenly。

〃It's　January　nineteenth。〃

〃Hmm。〃

〃What　is　it？〃　Angela　asked。

〃It　was　a　year　ago　yesterday　that　I　had　my　first　day　here；〃　I　mused。

〃Nothing's　changed　much；〃　Angela　muttered；　looking　after　Lauren　and　Jessica。

〃I　know；　I　agreed　I　was　just　thinking　the　same　thing。〃

7。　REPETITION

I　WASN'T　SURE　WHAT　THE　HELL　I　WAS　DOING　HERE　Was　I　trying　to　push　myself　back

into

the　zombie　stupor？　Had　I　turned　masochistic—developed　a　taste　for　torture？　I

should　have　gone　straight

down　to　La　Push　I　felt　much；　much　healthier　around　Jacob　This　was　not　a

healthy　thing　to　do。

But　I　continued　to　drive　slowly　down　the　overgrown　lane；　twisting　through　the

trees　that　arched　over　me

like　a　green；　living　tunnel　My　hands　were　shaking；　so　I　tightened　my　grip　on

the　steering　wheel。

I　knew　that　part　of　the　reason　I　did　this　was　the　nightmare；　now　that　I　was

really　awake；　the　nothingness

of　the　dream　gnawed　on　my　nerves；　a　dog　worrying　a　bone。

There　was　something　to　search　for。　Unattainable　and　impossible；　uncaring　and

distracted　but　he　was

out　there；　somewhere。　I　had　to　believe　that。

The　other　part　was　the　strange　sense　of　repetition　I'd　felt　at　school　today；

the　coincidence　of　the　date。

The　feeling　that　I　was　starting　over—perhaps　the　way　my　first　day　would　have

gone　if　I'd　really　been　the

most　unusual　person　in　the　cafeteria　that　afternoon。

The　words　ran　through　my　head；　tonelessly；　like　I　was　reading　them　rather　than

hearing　them　spoken：

It　will　be　as　if　I'd